“How many times will I tell you to make your bed?!”
If you find yourself screaming such words to your child, chances are you have reached the red zone.
The red zone is a point no parent wants to find themselves in.
It is that point when all your overtures about the importance of living in a clean and tidy environment are met with open defiance that slowly grew from groans of agreement.
That point when all the cajoling, nagging and threatening counts for naught.
That point when you dread the latest episode of the regular Saturday face-off, The Struggle Continues; an episode likely to end in that classic line – “Because I said so!”
It is a frustrating point no sane adult wants to find themselves in.
Teens can be slobs and cleaning up is not particularly a forte for many of them. It is not uncommon to find most children rooms looking like a cyclone swept through it…
Clothes are strewn all over the place, snack wrappers and half-eaten food items are scattered across the room, the dresser is littered with plates that look like they held some kind of food at some point, and the bottom of the bed is marked by snotty tissues and socks from last month’s cross-country championship.
If you find yourself confronted with this battle, at least take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone; this is a battle waged across most homes in America. At least they are not housing rodents or unwittingly building a biological weapon made from the decaying food nuggets and bacteria growing in their bedroom!
Are they?
While this is an unavoidable part of raising children, the biggest problem is that the intention behind out constant pestering to clean up is often misunderstood. Not as the life lesson it is to keep things organized and instill a sense of responsibility into them, but as being harsh and playing “parenty” just because…it comes with the job.
There is no proven universal formula in the book to turn things around unfortunately.
But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a trick or two you could pull to get your kids to take notice and shape up. [Insert evil grin].
Play to their weaknesses and fears
One of the proven ways to manipulate an unruly child is knowing what makes them tick and then playing it to your advantage.
It might sound manipulative (which it is) but it’s a good kind of manipulative.
For example, if you know your teen’s soft spot is a certain TV show, let them know in advance they will not be getting anywhere near a mile of the TV if they don’t clean up the clutter in their room and have everything back in its respective place.
It might be argued that teenagers should do chores without such forms of reward. But rewarding or treating them like this every now and then doesn’t hurt.
The best thing about this approach is that it’s a win-win for everyone at the end of the day.
Cut them off the tech
There really is no point working yourself up when your son or daughter isn’t picking up after themselves. The Internet and tech devices within their possession are a privilege whose control rests with – yup – you!
Agree in black and white that if they don’t do their chores, then you will be taking their tech hostage – the Wi-Fi, the laptop, the digital music player, video games and all those other devices. Period. It’s chores first, then entertainment second.
This could also be enforced when you have a cleaning day set aside (not for their room, which needs to be spick and span at all times) where each of your children has an assigned chore that they ought to get done.
Then they can knock themselves out after that, however way they please – provided, of course, it is within the confines of the family’s constitution.
Take away those other privileges
This is similar to the two aforementioned tactics. When your kids refuse to clean up, deny them those other privileges they have – driving, for example. Or going to the movies on Saturday. Or even that allowance they may be entitled to.
The potential lessons to be learned from this would be instilled best if you have an agreed schedule of responsibilities to work with.
For instance, you could agree that every morning before school, the drill will be to make their beds, put up their breakfast dishes and straighten their bathrooms once they are done prepping for school. Have this in writing if need be.
If they renege on their end of the bargain, take away the privileges you have agreed on. The key thing here is to avoid going back on your word. If he or she didn’t pick themselves up during the week, let them know you have no choice but to crack the whip. Be firm and consistent and you will reap the needed fruit.
Praise could work a treat
Getting your teen to clean their space should not always be approached with a dangling carrot, as the aforementioned incentivizing strategies are disposed to.
Teens also like to feel accomplished and special, just like everyone else – if not more. And this is something you can use to your advantage.
Praising them for how responsible they have been – even if it’s for that one day they proactively cleaned up nicely without being asked – could motivate even the most reluctant of teens and prime them for that sort of behavior down the line.
The caveat here, though, is that you should avoid generic forms of praise such as, “Good job” or “Way to go!”.
Instead, point out the exact issue and praise the process itself – “I like how you took your time with the bathroom floor today.” Or “Nice attention to detail arranging your book shelf the way you did the other day.”
We are assuming here that you didn’t decide to channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and paid their room a visit in their absence.
Giving praise makes them feel special and appreciated. Better yet, they will know the process itself matters in the end, not doing it just for the sake of pleasing you.
Final Thoughts
When dealing with teenagers and cleaning, do not let things spiral out of control before bursting at them and demanding action. Rather, aim to stay on top of things so that they start viewing cleaning as part of their everyday lives.
Be adamant about your kids learning to take care of themselves. Impart upon them the concept that doing chores doesn’t have to be an unenjoyable part of life; that there can be pleasure in making their bed every morning they get up. And hanging up their clothes. And putting laundry on a hamper. And vacuuming the floor. Cleaning the bathroom. And so on.
This is ingraining responsibility into them.
If no approach can work with your slovenly teen, maybe it’s time you reaffirmed the standards for health and safety and left them to their own devices. Perhaps not having a clean pair of pants will be a catalyst for them to do laundry.
Hopefully.
